Acting Neuroses

I had a rehearsal at my house for a web series that I'm doing.   And I'm so happy to tell you that it went really well.  Everyone is so nice and talented and there's such an ease of atmosphere around these folks. 

But I do have to confess something.  Us actor's have ridiculous neuorses.  We are a mash up of narcissism, pessimism, low-self esteem, low self-confidence, arrogance, self-centeredness *I don't think that's a word*, people pleasing, diva-esque behavior, and many more "isms" that I just can't think of right now.  Most actors are made up of at least two of those if not a whole lot more.  I'm no different. 

I have my neuroses. 
Why do I tell you this? 
To preface what I really have to say.

In the rehearsal I am working with the amazingly talented and beautiful woman who got the role I originally auditioned for.   Now, obviously I didn't get that role and instead got cast for another.  And yes, analytically I do realize that the role I got was expanded into a major one because the director wanted me to be a part of this project that much.  And that subsequently it was written with me in mind. And the role I got is soooo awesome and kick-ass.   But that little neurotic actor voice playing devil on my shoulder is ignoring all that.

All it sees, is the beautiful young woman *yes, she's younger than me... 'cause you know that always helps* who got the role I wanted because I was in some way lacking.  True, it may be something I have no control over and blah, blah, blah *again, I know this logically*  But that bastard of a devil on my shoulder is telling me I'm sub-par. 

Dont worry, I'll get over it.  As soon as I figure out how to grab that devil by the balls and drown his sorry ass!